Until the End Starts
by SeaEnchantress
Summary: "When you said goodbye you held be so tight I was left breathless but I only wanted you to hold me tighter. I let you go thinking you'd come back." Bella's journal entries looking back through the years. AH.
1. Soulmates

**A/N:** I was lucky enough to get a last minute spot on the March Drabble War for this weekend. The list for the participating authors and stories are in this note. The stories will start posting on Friday March 16th. Be sure to check out all the stories! My first chapter is at the bottom.

**March Drabble War 2012**

**The Long Way Home **by **CullensTwiMistress**

http : / / www . fanfiction .

net / s / 7906196 / 1 /

Summary: Single mom Bella decides she's had enough of raising her daughter in the city and ends up moving back to her hometown near her family. Edward, also a single parent, tries his best to ignore his new neighbor but fate may have a better plan. AH. BxE. M for language and lemons. Romance/Family/Humor

**I'll Stand By You **by **WitchyVampireGirl**

http : / / www . fanfiction .

net / s / 7906121 / 1 / Ill_Stand_By_You

Summary: Bella and Edward meet briefly on her 21st birthday. When fate conspires for them to cross paths again months later, will they have the courage to make it last while facing their darkest fears?

**Simply Promised **by** mmsinful**

http : / / www . fanfiction .

net / u / 1798291 / mmsinful

Summary: Edward and Bella, best friends since babies, have promised to always be together and have each other's baby someday. Now, Edward is married and Bella has a fiancee. Edward reminds Bella of their simple promise, when he learns that his wife is unable to conceive. Surely something as simple as a baby won't come between them and their significant other.

**Therapy **by **SlashGal **

http : / / www . fanfiction .

net / u / 2951616 / SlashGal

Summary: Edward Cullen is a user...an arrogant prick who is rich, independent, handsome and who only cares about two things…money and sex. He hooks up with randoms that come into his popular gay club in Hell's Kitchen, taking what he wants, when he wants, until the newly hired dancer, Jasper Whitlock, walks into his life and turns it upside down. Discovering that his new employee is immune to his charms, Edward sets himself a challenge to add Jasper to his list of conquests.

**TrueEnglishRose**

http : / / www . fanfiction .

net / u / 3069569 /

**Phoenix** by **True English Rose**

http : / / www . fanfiction .

net / s / 7906258 / 1 /

Summary: She's been part of his life longer than she realizes. When he stakes his claim, will she let him in, or turn him away? Will she have a choice? Can she rise from the ashes? E/B. EPOV. Upsetting scenes, but def HEA.

**Breath-of-twilight**

**TITLE: The Lies We Live With**

http : / / www . fanficion .

net / s / 7906035 /1 / The_Lies_We_Live_With

Summary: As a teenager, she loved him. Placed on a pedestal too high for most, he failed her. Paths chosen, decisions made, lives changed, they find their way back to one another. Now,Bella has it all. The perfect house, the perfect husband...the perfect life. But sometimes past decisions come back to haunt you. Now, Bella has to confess how she failed Edward and hope he'll be able to forgive her.

**Dysfunction Junction By: Wants2BeACullen **

http : / / www . fanfiction .

net / s / 7910285 / 1 / Dysfunction_Junction

Summary:Edward has been dating Bella for the last six months and finds himself falling hard. He comes to the conclusion that its time to invite her, her father and brother to his family's lodge onLake Crescent to meet the Cullen's. When Jasper, Bella's brother meets Edward he wants him for himself. Rated: M for language and lemons. OOC AH BxE Humor/Romance

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

**_Soulmates_**

Do they really exist?

I hope they do because that means I've found mine. It's you.

I hope they don't because you're not with me.

But that's _my_ fault.

Because I let you go.

I let you walk away thinking you'd come back. That we'd find each other again. That it would be easy. As easy as falling in love with you. But it hasn't been. It's been years since I saw you last and the ache is still the same.

I wonder if you feel the same. I hope you do. It means you want me like I want you.

I hope you don't. I don't want you to feel this pain.

I love you.

I'm sorry I couldn't say it you. That you may never know how much I loved you. How much I love you still.

Are you happy? I can't deny that my life has been good but something always feels like its missing. A piece of me isn't complete. I wonder if it's you.

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><p><strong>AN: This story will be 30 short chapters total unless I add in anything else. It's all written from Bella's pov. It is a little sad but it does have a happy ending in my opinion. **


	2. Wedding

_**Wedding**_

I went to a wedding today.

All those happy couples…

Everyone was paired off. Everyone but me. I had to dance with my father.

I couldn't help thinking how it would feel it had been dancing with you at this wedding.

Why do I torture myself with these thoughts? Isn't it enough that I'll always wonder what could have been?

I wanted to dance with _you_. Even when other men asked me to dance. I wanted my own dance partner; _my_ pair. You always loved to dance. You were such a good dancer. I don't remember if I ever danced with you. Just one more regret.

Do you still dance? I'd always feel inadequate next to you. Have you found yourself a new partner to dance with?

Did you know I planned different ways for us to marry?

I was only seventeen when we finished high school. We'd wait a month until I turned eighteen and then we'd drive to the neighboring state were there is no waiting period. It would be done in a day. Before you left for college. And no one would have to know. It would have been our secret. A way to keep us together even when we were apart.

Or I'd wait for you to finish school. Wait for you to come back a doctor like you promised your parents. Then we'd marry. I'd be ready for your return. Have everything here for you.

I was naïve back then. Thinking you'd wait too. That if I let you go you'd come back to me.

I should have followed you. Been there with you when things got hard. Shared your grief. Created our own happy memories too. But I didn't know.

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><p><strong>AN: **It's still Thursday here, but I figured it's already Friday on the East Coast! Thank you to all of you who have already put my story on Alert. I hope you enjoy it!


	3. Chickenpox

A/N: I couldn't resist. One more tonight and more to follow in the morning.

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><p><em><strong>Chickenpox<strong>_

I'll bet you never knew I gave you the chickenpox.

A boy in my little sister's class had them. One day during a weekend we woke up to find her covered in red spots. Chickenpox.

I'd never had them either. But somehow I was immune to them. That didn't stop me from giving them to you though. I didn't know you hadn't gotten them either.

Can you believe that? We were in junior high and had never had chickenpox?

One day later that week you didn't show up for school. Your best friend at the time told us in class you'd gotten chickenpox.

I felt guilty. When you got back to school you told me you didn't know how you'd gotten them. You hadn't been around anyone with chickenpox.

It still makes me smile today to remember the confusion on your face. I've still never had chickenpox.

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><p>AN: Does anyone have any "fun" chickenpox stories? When my sister got them she gave them to everyone in the family including our then six-month-old twin cousins. At least we were all contageous together!


	4. School

_**School**_

We spent six years of school together. Junior high and high school.

I'm amazed to think I met you when I was twelve years old. That's half my life. I didn't know how important you'd be to me back then.

A mutual friend tried to introduce us in eighth grade but we'd already met. I don't even remember how. But we already knew each other.

In high school we became inseparable. How could we not? We had so many classes together. It was inevitable in such a small school.

But we always looked out for each other didn't we?

You tried to take the blame for me when we got in trouble together that one time. Told the teacher it was all your idea. That I had no idea we went to the wrong assembly because you had told me which one to go to. So we could sit together. He must have taken pity on us. We were usually so responsible. We got away easy. We had to sit next to him during the next assembly. And we got to sit next to each other. Yeah, like that was any sort of punishment.

I'd help you rein in your temper. You were slow to anger and never violent but when something finally set you off it was ugly. I'd distract you with funny stories or nonsense until you'd be smiling again. Remind you to calm down and ignore what had made you angry.

You made sure I was never alone. In that Calculus class that somehow was all boys except for me. You were always my partner. No one bothered me.

Now looking back I think you were the reason no boys ever bothered me or asked me out. My sister tried to tell me. I didn't listen.

Your family liked to take trips to see relatives living far away and you'd miss school days. I'd be waiting when you came back to fill you in on what you'd missed.

I'm still waiting. For you. Are you coming back for me?

We only spent those six years in the same place. After I only saw you sporadically when you'd be in town visiting your parents and then even that tapered off.

I haven't seen you in years.


	5. Graduation

_**Graduation**_

Do you remember our high school graduation?

We both graduated in the Top 20. Our parents were so proud.

How when you went on stage to receive your diploma you held it over your head and shouted into the audience.

"This is for you mother!" you called out.

"I did it for you!" you told her in front of everyone as you jumped and shouted your way off stage.

You made my mom cry when she heard that. It's on video somewhere. Stored away with so many other memories.

How when the ceremony was over and we went outside to congratulate each other you had tears streaming down your face.

How you were still crying when my mother took a picture of us together.

We're both looking at the camera smiling.

You held me so tightly you took my breath away.

I didn't know it would be our last photo together.

We deserve a new one, don't you think? One where you're not crying. One where I'm in a different type of white gown.

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><p>AN: Any memorable graduation stories out there? My dad decided to wear a bright pink shirt to mine. I guess because it was silk he thought it was fancy? I don't know, it also didn't fit quite right. We were running late and there was no time for him to change. You can see my mom giving him dirty looks in all the photos for that night. It's really funny now to look back at the pictures but back then it was so embarassing!


	6. Grocery Store

_**Grocery Store**_

Our senior year your family moved down the street from us.

I thought it was fate. That destiny kept moving us closer together.

The grocery store was a couple of blocks from our houses and you had to walk by my house to get to it. When your mother would send you to the grocery store you would _always_ stop by and visit me.

Sometimes you spent hours here before you realized your mother would be waiting for you.

I spent years looking out that kitchen window expecting to see you walking down the street again.

* * *

><p>AN: Sneaking in another chapter during a work break. I'll updade again in a few hours. I love some of the theories in the reviews I'm getting.


	7. Romantic

_**Romantic**_

You were the more romantic between the two of us.

I remember you gushing about the ending of a film our Spanish teacher showed us once. I can't remember the whole plot but two people who should have never been together fell in love. They were going to be executed by a firing squad for their affair. You stayed late so you could see the ending. I couldn't be bothered to be late for my next class.

You claimed it was the most romantic thing you'd ever seen. They were reunited in death you told me. I rolled my eyes.

I'm ashamed to admit this but I've looked you up on Facebook without you knowing.

You list _The Notebook_ as one of your favorite movies.

Still the romantic.

I still roll my eyes. But they're teary when I do.


	8. Bittersweet

_**Bittersweet**_

Have you ever noticed how many sad love songs use the word "bittersweet"?

Maybe because it's true.

Sometimes I listen to the radio and it seems like every song reminds me of you.

One of my aunts once told me that there are certain songs that get you "right here" she said clutching a fist over her heart. She was half joking. She was laughing and acting silly as she said it but her eyes held a different story.

Her broken engagement.

* * *

><p>AN: Does anyone have one of those songs? My mom heard her song once while she was driving and we were all in the car. She had to pull over because she was crying so much. And my little sister's reaction when she gets nervous or scared is to start laughing. I can't imagine what we all looked like pulled over on the side of the road, haha!


	9. Fathers

_**Fathers**_

Our fathers made distinct first impressions on our friends.

You always said your father intimidated people when he first met them because he was so serious. Your friends told you how they were scared of him. He was really your step-father but he'd married your mother and adopted you; he gave you his last name. My father could make people like him immediately. Make friends everywhere he goes. My friends always said how funny and nice my dad was.

I never told you this, but did you know my father didn't like you at first?

You were the first boy to ever show up at our house. My parents had completely different reactions. My mother was elated. She liked you from the beginning.

Dad was stoic.

It wasn't until one of your trips to the grocery store that you won him over.

Dad and I were alone at the house that day. He was sitting at the kitchen table next to the window that looks out to the street when he saw you coming.

"He's here again," he complained.

I didn't know what he meant. Not until he pointed you out to me walking up our driveway and told me to go ahead and let you in.

He wasn't happy to see you. He thought we'd planned your visit. He should have known better. I was in an old t-shirt and jean shorts. I was cleaning the house and not dressed for company.

You knocked on the front door and I opened it for you. We smiled at each other. Said hello. I invited you in.

But you never stepped foot inside the front door.

You took a peek into the house and said no. You couldn't see my father sitting at the kitchen table from your viewpoint. The angles of the house made it impossible.

You told me you couldn't come in if I was alone. It was improper, you said. You couldn't do that to me.

I tried to explain that it was okay, but you were stubborn. You wouldn't listen. You didn't hear that I had permission; that I wasn't alone.

It wasn't until my father made himself known to you and invited you in himself that you came inside.

Dad approved of you after that. If you were that respectful towards me when you thought we were alone you had to be okay.

Do you know how high you set the bar for everyone that was to come after?

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><p>AN: Any interesting "meet the family" stories out there? My extended family is so big that when we bring someone home it looks like that scene from the movie Fools Rush In where they go home for a family dinner.


	10. Mothers

A/N: We met the dads in the last chapter. Now its time to meet the moms.

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><p><em><strong>Mothers<strong>_

Both our mothers approved of us seeing each other.

I know mine did because she couldn't stop singing your praises when you came up in conversation. How well spoken you were, how well mannered, how handsome, respectful, intelligent… she'd go on forever.

I know your mother approved because she'd tell me. Often.

Almost every time I saw her in town she'd make a point to tell me how she liked it so much better when we were together. How she liked me more than whatever current girl you were seeing.

I'd laugh it off. Tell her it was never like that. Because we were never official. But inside it would kill me. To know that I really had a chance with you and I let it slip through my fingers.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I never got to tell you. Never told you how much you meant to me.

Did she know? What did you tell her? Is that why she'd talk to me about you? She hoped we'd see that we were both pining for each other on opposite ends of the street.

I rarely see her now. I think she's sick. She doesn't go out like she used to. And when she sits out on her front porch she's in a wheelchair.

Time had taken its toll on both our moms.


	11. Birthday Wishes

_**Birthday Wishes**_

My birthday was a little over a month ago. Yours is next month. I'm nine months younger than you are. I once tried to convince myself that it was because I was meant for you.

I have wasted so many birthday wishes on you. Ever since you left.

I've wished you'd come back _for_ _me_.

I've wished you'd come back _to_ me.

I've wished you'd simply come back.

I've wished to see you again.

I've wished to see you at least _one more time_.

I've wished you'd be happy.

I've wished I hadn't wasted so many wishes on you. But I quickly took that one back.

I've wished I'd done things differently.

I wished…I could let you go.

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><p>AN: Has anyone ever had their birthday wish come true?  
>I'm going to keep posting as late as I can or until I can find a good stopping point for the night. I have a busy afternoon tomorrow so most, if not all, tomorrow's chapters will be added in the morning.<p> 


	12. Blush

A/N: This might be a little late, but I thought I should mention that the chapters or journal entries aren't necessarily being written down in chronological order. She's writing things down different things as they come to her mind. There will be some time jumps in future chapters and I don't want anyone to get confused trying to figure out when the events are taking place.

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><p><em><strong>Blush<strong>_

Whenever our eyes would meet across a room you'd always wink and smile at me.

It made me blush.

Every.

Single.

Time.

Did you do that on purpose? Maybe you liked to see my blush. If you did you'll be happy to learn that I haven't outgrown that completely even after all these years. It's lessened a bit, but mostly I've learned how to cover it better with makeup.

Those winks weren't the only times you made me blush. I'd blush anytime you showed me extra attention.

Do you remember that school trip we took our senior year? We had to ride busses through the night to get to an amusement park in the morning. We stopped at a rest stop for a few minutes to take a break, use the restroom, and stretch out our legs.

It was so cold. And it was the middle of the night. I was walking back to the bus with my two friends. We were all shivering. One of my friends said something like, "Wouldn't it be nice if someone came to warm me up? Come on guys, this is your chance." She finished while we all laughed.

As if though she had conjured them up we heard people behind us suddenly. But no one reached for her. You were in that group and you snuck up behind me and gave me a hug from behind. I think there was even a peck to my cheek that I couldn't feel because I was so cold. "Are you cold?" you asked me while you brushed your hands up and down my arms trying to create friction.

I blushed so hard at the attention I was no longer cold.


	13. Dream

_**Dream**_

I had a dream about you last night.

I was half asleep and you climbed into bed after me. I could feel the warmth of your hands as they touched my face and brushed back my hair when you gave me a kiss goodnight.

Then you moved us so we were on our sides with my back against your chest. You draped one of your arms over me and I held one of you hands between both of mine and against my chest. I felt your entire body; solid behind me. I leaned against you and you held me tightly as I fell asleep.

When we moved during the night we'd always rearrange our bodies so we were always touching somehow.

My hand resting on your shoulder…

your arm around my waist…

my leg draped over your hip…

your head on my chest.

I awoke believing you were really here. I expected to see you in my bed, but I didn't.

Yet I felt you. Your hair tickled the back of my neck as you nuzzled against me. I felt your heartbeat under the palm of my hand. I'd even felt your breath against my skin while you slept. Your warmth, your body heat.

It all felt so _real_: strong arms, warm breath, comfort, and love. I felt so cherished.

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><p>AN: I think this is a good stopping point for tonight. Sweet dreams!


	14. Hold

_**Hold**_

Remember all those times you held me?

I always felt an incredible rush of warmth go through me. Not just in the blush you brought to my face but warmth that came from within.

Sometimes I thought you looked for sneaky ways to touch or hold me. You'd sit with me when I was by myself; you'd hug me goodbye, guide me with your hand on my back.

My favorite was those times you'd sneak up behind me to hug and kiss me hello. But then I'd notice how you were friendly with everyone and I'd think it was all my imagination. That you were treating me how you treated everyone else and I was making it a bigger deal in my head.

I'd debate it back and forth in my head. Someone would mention how attentive you were towards me and I'd go back to thinking that you thought of me as more than a friend. Neither one of us had the courage to ask the other about it.

We were so young. We didn't know any better.

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><p>AN: Good morning!


	15. Distance

_**Distance**_

Distance can be defined different ways. It can be the length of space separating two people, places, or things; a far-off place, remoteness, or an interval of time.

It seemed they all conspired against us.

The nearest city to us with universities was three hours away. We were both smart enough to be able to get accepted into a number of good schools. Intelligence was never a problem. Finances were. We'd have to rely on scholarships and loans to be able to leave for college.

You got accepted to one of the best universities in that city, but you didn't know if you'd really be able to attend until about a week and a half before your classes started. A grant that looked like it had fallen through came through for you at the last minute. You were so happy that you'd be able to go. You scrambled to get everything together so you could leave. Rushed through everything; even our goodbye.

I chose to stay here to go to our community college. I did get accepted into universities -even one in the same city as yours- but I had other things to take into consideration. My baby sister was so young. She was a toddler. I knew that if I left I'd never move back home again. I'd miss out on her growing up. And I didn't want that. So my plan was to stay here for at least two years while I did my basic classes and then I'd transfer to a four-year university. We wouldn't be able to see each other for two years.

When you left for college you left with the intention of becoming a doctor. You got in with Sophomore Standing. Because of all those AP credits. Pre-Med. I thought you'd get through school so fast.

I signed up at our local community college as an Education Major because I wanted to be a teacher. I had AP credits too. And I got through those basic classes so fast; in less than the two years I had planned.

When those first two years passed I heard you were teaching some courses to freshmen at your university as an upper-classman. I had transferred to a four-year university. One in the same city you were in, but they'd opened an extended campus twenty minutes away from home for upper classmen. I could graduate debt free if I stayed close to home. They specialized in my major and I could take graduate classes and get my teaching credential here too.

Two more years passed and I heard you graduated but not as a Pre-Med Major. I graduated in my original major but no one was hiring teachers anymore. Last I heard we both had jobs but not in the original fields we had planned on as kids.

Some things just weren't meant to be.


	16. Sisters

A/N: Remember there will be time jumps in the story. Here we're back to a high school memory. Plus we get to hear about some more characters.

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><p><em><strong>Sisters<strong>_

We bonded over our sisters.

We were both the oldest child in our families and we only had sisters; no brothers. Your only sister was a year younger than you. But my two sisters were a lot younger than me. One was five years younger than me and the baby was thirteen years younger.

When we found out we had that in common I remember it led to one of the first really long conversations we had together. I don't know how long we spent talking to each other before a mutual friend had to come over to tell us it was time to leave. We hadn't noticed our table was empty and everyone else had already left.

That day I learned you thought your sister was much more outgoing than you were. That she had a lot of friends and she actually liked getting to school really early so that she could spend time catching up with them. But I thought _you_ were friendly and outgoing too. At least a lot more than I was.

I think people naturally gravitated towards you. People could see what a good person you were and wanted to be around you. As much as you loved your sister you didn't like being the oldest because your mother made you responsible for her. When you messed up you got in trouble for setting a bad example for your little sister and when she messed up you got blamed because you should have set a better example or kept a closer eye on her.

I didn't mind so much being the oldest. My middle sister and I hardly had anything in common back then but now she's one of my best friends. And my baby sister… she's always been my mini-me. I love her like a daughter. Always have. And I've always treated her as such. When she was a baby and toddler people thought she was mine because she looked so much like me. She still does. It looks like she's going to have the same height and build as mine. When we look at old pictures of me it looks like we are looking at her.

She was only four when we graduated high school. She's one of the main reasons I decided to stay here. I've never regretted staying for her. I've watched her grow up. I got to volunteer at her pre-school, take her to her first day of kindergarten, go on field trips with her (whether she likes it or not). As my mother's illness progressed I've taken on more responsibility for her. Everyone at her school thinks I'm her mother.

She's the same age we were when we first met. Some days it's hard to believe we were ever that young.


	17. College Graduation

_**College Graduation**_

The night I graduated with my Bachelor's degree most of my extended family came to see. I was the first grandchild in my family to get a four-year degree. The college campus was informal enough that the graduation was open to the public. It made it easy for my family and friends to come to the outdoor ceremony.

There were a lot of people there considering the small size of the school and the town. When the ceremony was over and we started to scatter to find our families the first person to find me was my father.

I've seen my father cry three times in my lifetime. Once when I was little and he and my mother divorced. The most recent time was about a year ago when both his parents were seriously ill. And he cried at my college graduation.

I cried too. I hadn't cried at my high school graduation but this one was different. My father had always put a strong emphasis on a college education. He always told me it was better to work with your head and not your hands. That he wanted better for me. More than what he had. We'd both made sacrifices for me to be able to study. We'd both worked and prayed so hard for this day and it was finally here.

We both just stood there hugging and crying on each other's shoulders trying to compose ourselves. Laughing and crying at the same time. When we both got ourselves under control and wiped the tears off each other's faces we went to find the rest of the family. Everyone else had waited in their seats while my father rushed forward to find me and take me back to everyone.

My mother told me later that she saw you at the graduation. She figured that someone in town must have told you about it or invited you.


	18. Smarter

_**Smarter**_

They're smarter than us you know?

When we were in high school my grandfather would give me a ride to school each morning because both of my parents worked. Grandpa thought it was too far for me to walk. Not long after your family moved down the street from us we saw you walking to school by yourself. I pointed you out to my grandfather and asked him if we could give you a ride; he reluctantly agreed.

Grandpa had never been a particularly nice person. It only got worse when he developed Alzheimer's years later. But somehow after a little begging on my part and pointing out that we were going to the same place he stopped the car and waved you over.

You ran so fast to get into the car! You told us later that your legs were sore from the long walk to school and that you'd been late a few times because it took so long to walk from your house.

By some means during that first ride you put up with my grandfather's embarrassing questions and earned yourself a ride with us whenever we happened to see you in the mornings making your way to school.

My sister is going to the same high school we went to. And there are a few neighbors who have kids the same age as she is and go to the same school.

And there is one boy who lives a block away from us.

He reminds me so much of you. He's smart, kind, and polite. And best of all- he treats my sister with respect. My mother keeps telling my sister that they'd be perfect for each other. My sister denies it; says they are only friends, that she doesn't see him like that.

I want to tell her. Remind her about us and how I told everyone the exact same thing when I was her age.

How I let you go.

But I don't.

It's not my choice to make.

But this is how they are smarter. This boy has a little brother that he is responsible for in the mornings. He has to make sure his little brother gets to his school before he is able to make the long walk to his own school. So instead of walking towards the high school and hoping that my mom and sister see him walking to school my sister has told him to walk to our house. They all leave to school together from here.

Why didn't we ever think of that?


	19. Babysitting

_**Babysitting**_

You know me. I've always been surrounded by children. When anyone asks me if I have any kids I tell them, "Yes, lots of kids, but none of them are mine." I've been the babysitter for as long as I can remember.

My baby sister looks so much like me people assume she's my daughter. And I've got several godchildren. When I baby-sit them I take them everywhere with me as if though they were my own. It's not unusual for me to get a compliment on one of my "kids" and I just politely thank the person who gives me the compliment.

One of my godsons was born during a summer break while I was at the community college. I babysat him during my school breaks when his mom went back to work but I'd occasionally have to go to campus to sign a form or for a school counseling appointment. I'd take him with me. You wouldn't believe how many complete strangers saw me with a newborn and congratulated me! I just laughed.

I never corrected; it just took too much time. It was easier to say thank you and move on.

Years later I realized how my casual attitude might have led to a misunderstanding.

I'd see your mom around town and she'd tell me how you were doing. It was how I'd get news about you. But it backfired too. She saw me babysitting and assumed I'd met someone and had a baby. She never asked me who the baby in my shopping cart was and I never told her either. I didn't see the implications until it was too late. Your mom was how you got news about me too, wasn't it?

And I'd never corrected anyone, so no one knew.


	20. Others

_**Others**_

After you moved away you'd occasionally come back for a weekend. My parents would see you around town but I never did. Sometimes you were alone; sometimes you were with someone else. I never blamed you for that. I had others too.

There was that one who was too clingy. Followed me around like a lost puppy. He had a tendency to show up in the most unexpected places. It took forever to get rid of him.

There was the sweet one who wanted to become friends before we became an item. That only lasted a few weeks; it seemed he found someone who wasn't so willing to take things slowly and he ran off with her instead.

There was the intelligent one I met when I transferred. He was quite a bit older than I was and enjoyed the fact that I was younger than he was. I really thought I had a chance with him; he even proposed. He forgot to mention he was already married.

But lately what I've gotten are mothers trying to set me up with their sons. It seems I'm a big hit with moms but not so much with their sons. Frankly, the sons aren't such a bit hit with me either.

It seemed we were never able to be together without complications. It was always me with someone else and you available, or you with someone else and me available, but we were never available at the same time.


	21. Spotlight

_**Spotlight**_

You knew I never liked to be in the spotlight. I didn't even like to have my picture taken.

When we had to be in a school play in junior high I took a small role so I wouldn't have to be on stage so much. Do you remember that play? It was full of vampires and werewolves. You played a werewolf. I think. I can't really remember. I played a teenager who kept trying to get the attention of a werewolf.

Anyway, I never liked being in the spotlight but you never minded it. So I'm not surprised when I run across an article your college published about you. Google is a great invention.

I just wanted to find some news about your mom. I don't see her anymore and my mom has mentioned that she never sees your step-father at your parents' house. We know your mom is still there but there's a wheelchair on the porch and she never goes into town anymore.

Maybe ignorance is bliss. I found more information than I ever wanted to know.

I never found any information about your mom but I did find other things. Your step-father passed away. We never found out because his burial was back east in his home town.

And that article about you in your college's paper. It's an interview. Your wife's interview. You got married two weeks ago.

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><p>AN: I think I'm going to have to stop there for today. I have to go to a wedding. But I do have everything ready to go for tomorrow and I will finish the story tomorrow. Thanks for reading!


	22. Timeline

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. The wedding I went to had a long after-party and I just got home. It's still Sunday evening here so I will finish this story before the end of today. Thanks

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><p><em><strong>Timeline<strong>_

I've read your wife's interview so many times. Let me see if I can get the timeline straight.

The year we graduated from high school was when you met her. You were meeting a friend after class but forgot his dorm room number. So you knocked on a random door in his building hoping they'd know your friend or his dorm number. A girl answered the door. The girl that would one day become your wife.

She said when you introduced yourself you had a great smile and personality. That there was immediate chemistry between you two but you both denied it for years. It was impossible not to like you with your joyful and warm personality, she said.

Over the next year you became friends but nothing more. A group of you became good friends and spent a lot of time going to the beach, cooking, and studying together. She said the most fun she ever had was the Christmas you spent together creating a makeshift Christmas tree out of lights, homemade paper decorations, and cereal.

You two lost touch for about a year. She said she'd see you around campus sometimes during that time and it'd make her day.

By the time I'd transferred to a four-year university and you were an upperclassman you had several classes with her. She is older than you but with your AP credits you were able to be in the same courses. You'd study together but were still just friends no matter how many other people pointed out that you both wanted something more.

Then one day when you walked her to her car after class you mentioned you were starting a dance group. And you asked her to join. You found your dancing partner.

You spent even more time together. But she's older than you and she graduated first. She said she thought she'd never see you again. That it just wasn't meant to be.

But one day during that summer you called her and asked her to come to a festival here in town. She said yes. The day you asked her out happened to be her birthday.

Everything happened so fast after that. In less than a year you two officially became a couple, I graduated from college, your step-father passed away, and you asked her to marry you. I don't know exactly in what order these events occurred. Your wife's interview doesn't give an exact timeline.

Your engagement was only a few months long. You married in the city where you met. Away from everyone here in town.


	23. Her

A/N: I was debating whether or not to leave this chapter in but after a private message I received from a reader I decided to leave it in. I won't say who it was but I think they'll know who I mean. Thank you for giving me the courage to leave it in and I promise it will get better.

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><p><em><strong>Her<strong>_

He's not coming. I have to accept that now. He's married. He's married to her.

He's married to someone else. I saw the photograph. Together. At a restaurant. It was him.

I wished them happiness but could I truly mean it? I tried to mean it.

For years there was that small flicker of hope in the back of my mind and heart. If I saw nothing concrete; he could still come for me. But he's not.

The selfish part of me hoped it was a lie. He wasn't interviewed for the article. It was all her. But she has his name now.

She told their story. Their chance meeting. Getting to know each other slowly as friends. Dancing together. What a happy and easygoing person he was. How she never expected to be married so soon but how the perfect man came along and "What could I do?"

She's with him night after night. She gets to touch him and hold him like I've imagined for so long.

The feel of his solid body beside mine. The feel of his chest against my back as we lay side by side. His hand resting against my hip. A kiss on the temple. Warm breath caressing my neck.

She feels his touch, his warmth, his skin. While I only imagined him in my bed beside me she got the corporal him. She gets to warm his bed while mine is cold.

Is it abnormal that I can almost accept the idea that he touches her but the thought of her touching him makes me despondent?

_She_ gets to share his life with him. Gets to hear his secrets. Council him. Comfort him. Fight and make up with him. Be with him. Grow old together with him.

He used to come up behind me to hug me. He'd hold me and sway me side to side. Rub my arms and torso if I was cold to warm me up. I won't feel that again.

She will.

* * *

><p>AN: I think this is the only chapter where she isn't speaking/writing directly to him. She's so angry that she doesn't want to talk to him even if it is only through her journal entry.


	24. His pov

A/N: We finally get to hear from him. This is the only time we'll get to see a little about what he's thinking and doing.

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><p><em><strong>HIS POV<strong>_

(but) you never said a word. And I was such a coward for leaving without telling you.

And then I met her. She reminded me so much of you.

I didn't pursue her. Not at first.

But time went on and I never saw you again.

That isn't true.

I'd see you sometimes, but you didn't see me. You looked happy. I didn't want to interfere.

And she was there through it all.

She knew everything. She was a good friend. Like you had been. And I realized I was making the same mistake all over again. I was letting her go; letting her slip away. And I panicked. I couldn't have you but I still had a chance with her.

I asked her to marry me. She was so happy. _I_ made her happy.

She makes me happy too. Maybe you and I could have been happy together if things had turned out differently.

But I've made my choice. It's too late to go back now. And she gave me my son. Even if I didn't stay for her I'd stay for him.

I know you'd understand.

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><p>AN: sorry for not responding to reviews I'll try to catch up on them tonight but I really do appreciate each and every one of them. Thank You


	25. Remember

_**Fairy Tales**_

How is it that time creeps by so slowly and suddenly everything has gone by so quickly? When did I waste so much time waiting? Did I really waste so many birthday wishes on you, wishing to see you again?

Especially when I don't even believe in wishes? Maybe that was the problem.

But I keep thinking it's getting better now; I sometimes go weeks at a time without thinking of you. Inevitably something reminds me. A celebration, your name written somewhere, your song, a wink, a touch, a quiet night.

Sometimes late at night I wonder if you even think of me. Do you even remember me? You don't have all of these reminders around you like I do. You don't have to go back to our old high school every time your sister has a school event.

I still sometimes battle with wanting to let go and at the same time not wanting to forget.

But no one will ever live up to a memory. A hope, a dream. A wish. That's why I don't believe in them. Nothing can ever measure up to it. To you. It's not realistic. It's fiction, fantasy, a fairytale. You can't wait around for someone to rescue you. I know that now. I'm not going to wait around for my _happily ever after_; I'm going to make it happen for myself.


	26. Want

_**Want**_

I want someone to build a life with. Someone to grow old with.

A man who will love me as much as I love him.

Not someone who will complete me but someone who will complement me. Someone who will be strong where I am weak and be weak where I am strong, but still meet in the middle somehow.

Smart and kind.

Be good together.

Grow and learn together; _live_.

Do you remember my aunt with the broken engagement? She's married now. To someone different than she'd originally planned; and they have two children together.

I want you to be happy with her because I'm going to find someone to be happy with too.


	27. A New Birthday Wish

_**A New Birthday Wish**_

It's my youngest Aunt's birthday. She and my uncle have invited everyone out to dinner at one of their favorite restaurants.

My whole family is here. They've reserved the back room for the party. There isn't enough room in the back of the restaurant for all of us. As I look around I realize that I love everyone in this room and that they love me too.

We're singing _Happy Birthday_ and my aunt blows out her candles.

I know it's not my birthday but I feel like making a wish. Just something to replace one of the many wishes I used on you.

To give myself something back. But I realize that I already have more than I could ever want.

I **am** happy.

So instead of making a wish I give a prayer in thanks.


	28. Until the End

A/N: this chapter is 2 parts. some have been asking how Bella and Edward will have a happy ending and this is how.

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><p><em><strong>Until the End…<strong>_

I'll always look back at our friendship together fondly.

I'll always love you to some extent. You showed me love, friendship, compromise, giving and receiving.

You made me find myself.

Your leaving identified me for so long. Until I learned to identify myself.

To open myself up to new experiences.

Did you know I went zip lining this summer?

The me you knew would never have been brave enough to do that. Back then I would have sat on the sidelines watching and waiting for everyone to come back from their adventure.

But that's not me anymore.

Goodbye Jake, and thank you. Maybe someday I'll get to meet Nessie and your son.


	29. Starts

…_**Starts**_

Its a few days later. We're having a quiet day at work. I'm lucky. My boss and co-worker are more friends than anything else.

My boss decides we should go out to lunch at the same restaurant where my aunt had her birthday dinner. It's one of our favorites and we go there at least once a week. It's often enough that the whole staff knows what we order by heart. My boss leaves ahead of us to save us a table and to get our regular order started while my co-worker and I finish one last e-mail.

When I arrive at the restaurant my boss has a huge smile on her face. She tells me I've caught someone's eye. (She's made it her life mission to find me someone special but I've never been ready before now.)

She tells me he came up to her and asked about me. Apparently he spends a lot of time here too and has seen me often. He's wanted to come up to me and say hello but he didn't want to seem too forward or disrespectful if I was taken. That he likes how easy-going and happy I always seem to be. How I'm always laughing. That he thinks I'm beautiful but seeing me dressed up at dinner a few nights ago took his breath away. That I must be really wonderful to have so many people care about me. And to please, please, introduce me to him.

I'm speechless, and probably as red as a tomato.

She looks at something behind my shoulder and seems to be waving someone over.

I look over my shoulder and I see him walking towards our table. He's tall and lean. He's wearing black slacks and a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He's gorgeous. A head full of unruly hair, dark eyes, thick brows, a strong square jaw line, pale skin, and pink lips set into a smile.

We shake hands and laugh nervously as we introduce ourselves.

"Hi, I'm Edward"

"Bella"


	30. Soulmates, Revisited

_**Soulmates, Revisited**_

I still don't know if soulmates exist but if they do Edward's mine.

If I thought I knew what love was before I was wrong. It's incredible how much stronger love is when it's reciprocated.

I may have loved you once but it's no where near as much as I love him. I understand now. And I truly do wish you every happiness.

Since you're such a romantic I know you'll understand this. Emily Bronte wrote "…he's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same…."

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><p>AN: I hope no one is angry that Bella had been talking about Jacob this whole time. I marked the story Bella and Edward because they end up together and they are the ones who get the happy ending.


	31. Plans

_**Plans**_

Its funny how life turns out isn't it?

You think you have everything mapped out until one day you wake up and realize you're headed in a completely different direction. And even more surprising is the fact that some things do turn out the way you planned.

I did elope after all.

Edward wanted to try that zip line tour my sisters kept talking about. So we went back this summer. I was the last one down the line. When I got to the bottom I was sweaty, dirty, and covered in mud. It took me a little while to notice Edward bent down on one knee holding a ring. One of my sisters took pictures while the other videotaped the whole thing. It was perfect.

We married the next day. We both knew there was no point in waiting.

My whole family adores him. Sometimes I think my sisters like him more than they like me. They've never had a brother and they love it. That is until he plays the part of the protective older brother when boys come over to visit them. Dad and I think it's hilarious. Mom tries not to laugh but I know she thinks it's funny.

I was surprised how well he adapted to being part of a big family. He says it's a dream come true for him. His parents were both only children and he has no siblings. He tells me he understands how important it is to me when I help my family because he was all alone when his parents passed away a few years ago.

He's not alone anymore. And neither am I. We have each other for support.

And we have plans to add to our family. Edward's a little nervous; he's never really been around babies too much. But I tell him not to worry so much. My sisters and godchildren have already volunteered to baby-sit for us.

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><p>AN: I'm marking this story complete. Thank you to everyone that has read and to everyone that has reviewed. I've had a lot of fun this weekend and even made some new friends. Now I have to catch up on my reading, haha!


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